Shade Among Shades

Unseemly Abandon

This is one of those evenings that holds a strange combination of utter lazy-contentedness and a meditative restlessness.

I am laying under the covers of an enormous (especially for a small person like me) king size bed in a very nice hotel room in Louisville, Kentucky. I have snacks, I have books, I am wearing my glasses, I am wearing fuzzy socks and I have been here whiling away my time for the last three-ish hours.

But on the other hand. 

[Cue Fiddler on the Roof]

[…Anyway…]

There is something about the music I’ve been listening to and the blogs I’ve been reading and the place I am in that has struck that restless chord in me that flares up every few months. It’s slightly indescribable. It usually gets brushed off by my (less evident) more sensible side, or my mother, which is the same thing. But on this particular evening on the eve of August, it has gripped me once again. And left me with strange urges.

I have the odd desire to sit outside and look at cornfields. I’ve discovered that I like corn fields…actually fields in general. I do not (as some have maliciously accused me) have a particular dislike of trees. I really do like them. But I like trees in between my wide open spaces. It was England that ruined me: there the trees and fields were compartmentalized. I also have the urge to get in a car and just drive and talk to God, which could be difficult considering I don’t have a license. But it has given me more motivation to study for the dang test. I also want to dig for treasures, even if only at antique and used book stores. I want to wear dresses, but not the kind that get in your way and make you feel like you have to cross your legs and act prim. I need a dance-with-unseemly-abandon dress. Which reminds me: I want to find an occasion to dance with unseemly abandon.

I guess the point of this rambling, random post is this: God shows up in the strangest places and in the oddest ways. And He wants me to go on a wildly romantic adventure with Him. Through cornfields, potentially. Or deserts, or jungles, or crowded city streets, or even in a suburb of Louisville where every other building is either a Catholic church or a liquor store. He is a lover, and wants to woo my prone-to-wander heart…and He knows how. So I’m learning what it looks like to live this life with my Lord, Jesus the Christ. To dance with Him, to travel with Him, to study with Him, to laugh with Him. To go on magnificent adventures and to endure the humdrum. And no matter what is happening around me, no matter what I am thinking at the moment, no matter what sin I am trying to hide from Him, He still whispers gently, “Hey, I’m here and I’ve got you in my arms. Quit fighting me. Let’s live this awesome life I’ve planned for you together. I love you more than anything, Charlotte.”

And every word is true.