February 2012
3 posts
Abide With Me
This is one of my favorite hymns…I think the words are so quietly beautiful.
Abide with me; fast falls the eventide; The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide. When other helpers fail, and comforts flee, Help of the helpless, abide with me.
Thou on my head in early youth didst smile; And, though rebellious and perverse meanwhile, Thou hast not left me though I oft left Thee! On to the...
Themes
I always did like English lit. Leading people who have known me for forever to scratch their heads in confusion when they discover that I am getting a Bachelor of Science rather than a Bachelor of Art. I always liked immersing myself in the beauty of words and seeing the minute elements of a work weave themselves together into something whole and rich. I always liked themes.
The Lord seems to...
January 2012
3 posts
Sitting in my room
in the middle of the afternoon. Watching a guy trying to teach his girl how to swing dance on the sidewalk outside. I feel mildly like a creeper, but I know them so I’m going with the theory that I only stalk the ones I love.
Oh swing dancing. Nostalgia.
Currently reading
What the New Testament Authors Really Cared About—Kenneth Berding, Matt Williams [for a class]
What Good is God?—Philip Yancey [for the same class]
Confessions—St. Augustine [Just because]
The Hidden Wound—Wendell Berry [because WB is pretty awesome]
The Two Towers—J.R.R. Tolkien [I took a LOTR hiatus, but now I am delving back in again. It feels good]
Crime and...
December 2011
2 posts
I Could Be
Right now I could be bundled up, walking down Istiklal enjoying the brisk December air and the lights strung above my head between the buildings. Or I could be sitting on a vapur looking at the bridge change colours. Or I could be visiting with old IGA friends, enjoying our trademark nerdy silliness and trading stories about our new lives. I could be traipsing through pazars and seeing how many...
Let's be shameless
Let’s dance around singing about how great our God is. Let’s paint our toenails and let our hair fall down in a wavy mess and revel in being female. Let’s drink tea and read poetry on a rainy day while wearing fuzzy socks. Let’s paint and draw and sing and write as well or as badly as we are able just for the sake of it. Let’s curl up in the glory of this life,...
November 2011
6 posts
When God calls you on your promises
OOF.
It is one thing to tell God over and over that you are surrendering. It is one thing to inform him that you trust him no matter what else happens. It is one thing to say that he can take it away at a moment’s notice and you will be alright.
It is another thing entirely when he looks you in the eye and asks you to do just that.
Giving up expectations is easier said than done. There...
Finite
If only I understood—says I to myself—the mysteries of redemption. If only I really truly grasped the extravagance of love that leads to a bloody brow and striped back. If only I could see clearly in my mind’s eye what it looks like to have nails plunged through your hands and feet, to have your shame hoisted up for all the world to see. I think that maybe if I could feel some...
Do Be Kind
It must be admitted, I am a closet poet. Who isn’t, really. But I have been writing snatches of poetry for years and showing a few of them to people whose love for me is not conditional on pleasing rhyme schemes. Now however, I am releasing my first bit of verse to the general public. It’s not particularly well-written, but it communicates better than anything else I have the stage I...
Concerts are wonderful
Especially concerts by Jon Foreman and Brooke Waggoner.They both exuded restful beauty through their music, though in slightly different ways. It had been a rough day for me and I didn’t think I was going to make it that night. But as I sat in my seat getting caught up in Ms. Waggoner’s piano riffs or the stunning violin that accompanied Mr. Foreman’s husky vocals, I found the...
October 2011
5 posts
Did anyone else grow up watching Swiss Family...
Because I definitely did. When we lived in Uzbekistan it was one of the five movies we owned. I always imagined that one day I would live just like them…find a tropical island somewhere and build a sophisticated tree house with indoor plumbing made out of bamboo. Race ostriches. Fight pirates. Find a dashing man also shipwrecked on the island to fall in love with (yes, I am doing some role...
Of Wanderers and Oil Paints
“Are you going home for Fall Break?”
“No I’m going to Kentucky to visit my parents.”
Blank confused stares, criss-crossed categories…but there’s no use taking the statement back. I could embark on an epic tale detailing my life of nomadery and the recent transitions my family has gone through. But I won’t. Because they don’t care that much....
13 tags
September 2011
9 posts
6 tags
Today, I went to a wedding
I went to a wedding where the Gospel was preached with boldness. A wedding where things weren’t necessarily according to formula or tradition, but where every element was deliberate. There was no fluff: every word was deeply meaningful. Today I got to see two wonderful, godly people be joined together. I got to praise God, have a lot of fun, reminisce about the past and look forward to what...
6 tags
7 tags
Winnowing
Winnow (win-oh)
verb (used with object)
to free (grain) from the lighter particles of chaff, dirt, etc., especially by throwing into the air and allowing the wind to blow away impurities.
to subject to some process of separating or distinguishing; analyze critically; sift.
to separate or distinguish valuable from worthless parts.
(via Dictionary.com)
When I was little my parents were very...
6 tags
Adding up
Going to a church and feeling like you have come home…being challenged by the message…feeling Christ tug on your heart once more…realizing in a fresh way how astounding the cross is.
Spending two hours on the phone with your mother…finding that you have reached a point where you can relate as friends…sharing little details of your life and laughing together, seeing...
August 2011
8 posts
Not Yet
One thing I’m learning: just because something is good, it does not mean it’s right. Just because someone is “perfect” does not mean you should throw yourself at them and place all of your thoughts and dreams on them. Even if a situation seems perfect and fits into your plans, if it’s not in God’s timing, it’s not good for you. Just walk away and trust...
Insufficient
Lord, the more I live and learn and grow, the less I become. More like, I realize more fully how I am nothing. The closer I get to you, the more I see how stupid my pride is. The more I understand who you are, the more I realize how disgusting my sin is, and then I am utterly overwhelmed by the magnitude of your grace.
Lord, I am finally beginning to see how insufficient my efforts are. I’m...
College is Awesome
Crazy fun people doing crazy fun things. As adults. How is this allowed?
I go to college tomorrow
A five hour drive. Maybe a few stops to stretch our legs. Then I am in Jackson, Tennessee moving into my dorm, unpacking my things, getting to know other people, jumping right into orientation, filan filan.
Surreal? Yes.
Exciting? YES.
Finding Home
This past weekend I went to a retreat, put on by our company, for MKs coming to the States for college. I went in excited to see friends, but with little other expectations. Needless to say, my expectations were blown out of the water.
The worship times we had were fantastic. It was just the worship leader and his guitar, wonderfully simple. The songs he chose were breathtakingly reverent and...
My dad's humility
Me: I pretend to be cool
Dad: You don’t have to pretend, you are cool!
Me: Awwww
Dad: You wanna know why you are cool?
Me: Why?
Dad: [smugly] Because you’re my daughter.
Me: Wow
Watching TV with my family
Me: So…those two characters…are they together or something?
Greg: Well, it kind of depends on what universe they are in.
Me: Of course it does.
Unseemly Abandon
This is one of those evenings that holds a strange combination of utter lazy-contentedness and a meditative restlessness.
I am laying under the covers of an enormous (especially for a small person like me) king size bed in a very nice hotel room in Louisville, Kentucky. I have snacks, I have books, I am wearing my glasses, I am wearing fuzzy socks and I have been here whiling away my time for the...
July 2011
6 posts
Not lifting a finger
When I told my brother that my new philosophy of life was called the “not lifting a finger” principle, he looked at me aghast and informed me that I don’t do enough dishes as it is. At which point I nearly stuck out my tongue and informed him that that is not what I meant, thankyouverymuchsir. My new philosophy of life is not new at all. Nor is it particularly profound, except...
The Newsy Edition
There are a couple of Tumblr posts whirling about in my mind, posts about things that God is teaching me, things that I am thinking about, moments of clarity that have occurred this summer. But none of them are fully formed as of yet, so today I decided to just update the general populace about my life.
At the moment I am wasting my days in Cary, North Carolina. To be perfectly candid, I...
The rain is pouring outside
And a very large part of me wants to go out, sit on the deck, and let it drench me.
“Dad: Charlotte, do you sometimes get the feeling that the Universe is laughing...”
June 2011
5 posts
Tonight
Tonight is my last night in Turkey. Twelve hours from now I will be on a flying machine, heading to the States. It’s surreal and sad and strange. I can’t believe that this chapter of my life is ending early in the morning. I keep reminiscing about the years I spent here…
Sixth grade, my first year in a “real” school. Social studies with Miss Murphy, science with Mr....
There are so many things I've been wanting to...
I have had so many posts swirling around in my hear. A study about goodbyes, about all the different kinds of goodbyes and how many I have experienced in the last few weeks. A post about moving on, about how excited I am about going to college and starting new adventures. A post about Kadikoy—the Starbucks, the balik pazari, the crazy lady, and my super sketchy book pazar—and about...
May 2011
4 posts
It's becoming real to me
I graduate in 21 days. I turn eighteen in 29 days. I move to America in 32 days. Suddenly I realize that all the packing I’ve been putting off has to happen within the next couple of weeks. I have these moments of panic as I realize that I only have 32 days to talk to the people I may never see again and drink in Istanbul and all of its glory. I only have 32 more days to live in the most...
I Do Strange Things Sometimes
For instance, today when I got home I straightened my hair, dressed up, cranked Joni Mitchell and then sat on my window seat and ate chocolate.
And I was extraordinarily contented.
“It’s not paranoia if you’re right!
[About the inevitability of...”
– My Dad